Find Your Soulmates, Lose Your Cellmates

How to attract positive, healthy relationships
An excerpt from 'Knock and the Door Will Open'

When relationships are positive, they energize you and buoy you up; when they’re negative, they can deplete you and pull you down. People who enhance and energize our lives — our soulmates — are treasures to be cherished and nurtured. Those who limit and drain our positivity, however, may be preventing us from creating the abundance that could be ours. If you’re serving a literal prison term, you don’t get to choose who is assigned to be your cellmate, but sometimes the people you voluntarily bring into your life can make it seem as if you’re serving a life sentence. If that’s your situation, it’s probably time to start planning a prison break.

Soulmates and cellmates are all around us

Soulmates or cellmates can crop up anywhere in your life — not just in a sexual or romantic relationship. I know that’s what people generally think of when they say they’ve found their soulmate, but the fact is that you can have many different soulmates in various aspects of your life, and no one can ever have too many.

In the business world, we often talk about mentors, people who have taken us under their wing and helped us to succeed in our chosen career. Or sometimes we have a colleague with whom we work easily and productively, someone who has great ideas and brings out our own creativity. These people, too, are soulmates. And so are the friends who we know will stick with us through our darkest days, whom we can count on to be there when we need them, who can make us laugh and lift us up when we’re down, the ones we never tire of being with.

Maybe as a child you had a favorite aunt or uncle, someone you always loved visiting because he or she made you feel special. Or perhaps you’ve always felt closer to one sibling than another. I’m sure you love all your siblings, but sometimes you feel a kind of bond with one who seems so much more like you. Sometimes a mother or father will look at a child and say, “He (or she) is exactly like me. I see myself in him.” That child, too, is a soulmate. It’s not that parents don’t love all their children, but not all children are our soulmates.

Let go of your cellmates

Making room for a soulmate can sometimes require letting go of a cellmate. Have you ever had a top dresser drawer that gets so filled up with junk that you have to paw through unmatched socks, single earrings and extra buttons from clothing you no longer own just to get to the one thing you’re looking for? If this scenario sounds familiar to you, you’ll understand that you can also accumulate a lot of old, useless or toxic relationships that prevent you from getting to the one person you want or need to find.

If you’ve chosen to bring these cellmates into your life, you can now choose to let them go. Do you hate getting up and going to work every day because the people in your office or the person you work for is always making you feel bad about yourself? Then do something about it — ask for a transfer, look for another job, let your boss or your coworkers know that you will no longer allow them to put you down. Do you have a friend who’s sucking you dry instead of filling you up? Just because you’ve known her since second grade doesn’t mean you have to stay handcuffed to her for life. Even — or especially — if it’s a lover or life partner who is limiting your life, you can cut the cord that’s holding you down.

If your cellmate is a relative, it may be more difficult, but it can be done. Author Mordecai Siegal has wisely said, “Acquiring a dog may be the only opportunity a human ever has to choose a relative.” That doesn’t mean, however, that just because someone is a relative you need to allow him or her to keep bringing negativity into your life. No one gets to be your permanent cellmate simply by right of birth!

I would hope that the majority of those close to you are soulmates, but if someone is not, and that person is dragging you down, whether it’s a sibling or a parent, you simply have to stand back and refuse to be a victim. You need to do that because by keeping any cellmate close you are absorbing his or her bad energy. By removing yourself from his or her energy field, you will take back your power and free yourself. Depending upon the particular situation, the distance you create may be physical or it may be emotional. If you can’t physically separate yourself from a family member, you can still refuse to allow him or her to control your emotions.

Before you do that, however, it’s important that you forgive the other person. Remember that everyone is contending with his or her own issues, and that other people’s psychological, emotional and spiritual baggage are what’s causing them to behave the way they do. In fact, a relative may have been put in your path just so you can learn how to step away from whatever he or she is sending your way.

Gather your soulmates around you

When you find a soulmate, as I’ve said, you’ll know what he or she is thinking, you’ll have the same likes and dislikes, you’ll be totally comfortable in the relationship and feel as if you’d known each other for years, even if you’ve just met. And if you haven’t seen each other in years, the bond will still hold. Is there an old friend with whom you’ve lost touch but whom you still think of fondly? Pick up the phone and make a call; if it’s a soulmate you’re calling, he or she has probably been thinking of you, too.

Having negative people in your life draws out the negativity in you, which then just attracts more of the same. It’s a vicious cycle. Once you break the cycle, however, you’ll have made room for your positive energy to flow. Reinforce that good energy by spending more time with your soulmates, and you’ll find that the flickering flame grows stronger and you begin to draw in more and more positive people.

Checklist for filling your treasure chest with soulmates

  • Make a list of the qualities you seek in a soulmate and don’t be afraid to ask for what you want.
  • Put reminders of the person you want to bring into your life in your treasure chest. 
  • Affirm your intentions on paper and put them away some place safe.
  • Make an honest assessment of your relationships with the people in your life right now.
  • Look for negative patterns in your relationships and affirm your intention to change them.
  • Make peace with the past so that it doesn’t continue to negatively impact your present
  • Let go of any cellmates you may have been harboring in your life.
  • Gather your soulmates around you and appreciate what they give you.
  • Discover sex as a spiritual experience.

Full Body Presence

From Knock and the Door Will Open by Jeffrey A. Wands. Copyright © 2010 by Jeffrey A. Wands. Reprinted by permission of Atria Books, a Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

Thank you for signing up!

Comments

JoyfulHeart
JoyfulHeart's picture
User offline. Last seen 4 years 4 weeks ago. Offline
Joined: 10/03/2010

This is so true! I love the fact that we can have many soulmates and contrary to popular belief, not just in a romantic way. I love meeting soulmates, you just "click" and know each other. It is a great feeling!

Tell us what you think!
If you'd like to comment on this article, become a member of Gaiam Life.
Click here to create your account.