Smart 'N Sassy Black Friday Advice

Ready to wait in line for hours before getting jostled and trampled by other shoppers to buy a cheapo, will-break-by-New-Year’s-Day toaster you don’t need? We know the perils of Black Friday shopping—yet millions of Americans brave the malls and Walmarts anyway. Here’s smart and funny advice to keep you chillaxed at home instead of waging a battle of shopping carts:

Celebrate Buy Nothing Day. Why go broke when life’s simple pleasures are free? This annual anti-Black Friday celebration organized by Adbusters encourages people to keep their wallets zipped up—and to enjoy the day doing things that cost nothing, like taking a stroll on the beach, reading a library book, or talking to people you like. Spend less, enjoy more.

Embrace a crap-free lifestyle. Black Friday Is for Suckers, says Slate’s tech writer Farhad Manjoo, who’s even put together a list of “netbooks, e-book readers, and other post-Thanksgiving bargains to avoid.” Of course, Farhad notes the shopping day perils aren’t limited to unnecessary techy gear:

  • The biggest worry on Black Friday is that you’ll buy stuff you don’t need. For retailers, that’s the entire point of Black Friday—they’re hoping that, in your quest for bargains, you’ll buy an electric toothbrush or radio-controlled rubber rat just because it’s on sale.

Don’t get trampled to death. We’ve all heard the incredible-but-true stories of sorry shoppers who suffered death-by-trampling on Black Fridays. This annual tradition of sorts has gotten so predictable that Wired’s actually put together a guide on how not to get trampled on Black Friday. Among other things, you’ve got to try to stay upright amidst the pushing and shoving:

  • Duck your head and shoulders, tighten your tummy muscles, and wrap your arms around your waist like you’re hugging yourself. Think sumo thoughts.

That article’s a funny read even if you don’t plan to use the advice because you’ve now been convinced to avoid shopping on Black Friday altogether. Let your Thanksgiving dinner digest in peace and give your wallet a rest this weekend! 

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