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Kabbalah Secrets for a More Fulfilling Relationship
Many authors on the subject of relationships offer good advice based on the accurate assessment that men and women are different. But what they cannot tell you is why we are so different. Kabbalah answers this question from a spiritual standpoint, and in the answer lies the key to loving, worthwhile relationships.
So what is the male soul? Think of a pipe, a conduit with the ability to channel Light. This is the structure of the male soul. Energy goes in; energy comes out. At the level of the 1 Percent, or physical level, a man expresses the desire to share his Light as a desire for sex. The energy of the man craves contact with the energy of the woman. You also need to know that on the 99 Percent, or spiritual level, a man wants to share his Light in order to fulfill the Vessel. This is an important distinction. What men want more than anything in a relationship is the ability to make a woman happy and earn her love.
Did you know that? Maybe not, and guess what? Most men aren’t aware of it either because the Adversary (the male ego) tries to keep all men from knowing how simple this is. But the Adversary’s efforts at hiding the truth do not make it any less true. The structure of the male channel is to bring Light into the world in order to fulfill and earn a woman’s love. That is a man’s function, which makes him action–oriented by his very nature. Men are problemsolvers. Men are doers. They have an innate drive to share with others the energy that they are receiving from the Light of the Creator.
Some of you reading this book might be shaking your heads and saying, “My man is definitely not action-oriented.” But once you strip away ego, fear, and the confusion of the 1 Percent World in which we live, a man’s very essence is to share Light and to do for others. Women often bear witness to this when they share their problems with a man. How does he usually respond? He wants to fix things, right? You can almost hear the gears in his brain turning as he comes up with the “solution” to your dilemma. He wants to help. He wants to make things better for you. He wants to assist in some way. Why? Because his job is to satisfy, to fulfill.
Unfortunately, this is often misinterpreted as a lack of compassion, care, or listening skills on his part. What you are experiencing, however, is a man sharing (the Light he is receiving) with you in the only way he knows how. But as you’re about to discover, it’s the job of the woman to manage and direct that influx of Light. Yes, women are the relationship managers, the Light managers. I’ll explain what that means in more detail as we delve deeper into the specific roles of men and women.
You Are The CEO
One of the fundamental reasons why women are frustrated in relationships is because they don’t understand that they run the relationship. For all intents and purposes, you are the chief executive officer of a company called Relationship. Just as you wouldn’t leave your company in the hands of a six-year-old while you are on vacation, you shouldn’t leave your relationship in the hands of a man. Managing a relationship is not part of a man’s skill set. Nor is it a man’s role. And if you continue to expect a man to fulfill that role, you will be disappointed again and again. Now don’t get me wrong. There are things that men do well, but managing a relationship with a woman is usually not one of them. So you must be willing to take full responsibility for the relationship or it won’t be successful. The power rests with you and the decisions that you make. A man is a channel, a pipeline for the Light. That’s all he is. And his fundamental desire is to please you. As a woman, your role is to honor his desire to please you and to support his role of channeling the energy of the Creator into this world. In other words, he wants to share his Light with you. He wants to cherish you, and your job is to allow that to happen.
When you accept a man’s Light into your life, you become responsible for directing that Light. Think of it this way. Let’s say that the front door to your apartment needs to be replaced. You call a handyman to come and fix it. The guy arrives and says, “Lady, it’s going to be $800 to repair your door. I want the entire amount up front in cash before I can begin work.” Are you going to give it to him? Hopefully not, right?
What are you going to do? You might say, “I’ll give you $200 now for materials. After you’ve done the job, if I like the way it looks, I’ll pay you the rest.” Right? But so many women don’t do that in relationships. Metaphorically speaking, many women just go along and pay the full $800 up front, and then wonder why they are left frustrated after a lousy repair.
All too often, women hope for the best when it comes to a relationship with a man, instead of putting their inherent management skills to work. Without effective management of energy, there can be no healthy relationship. This is not to place blame on women in any way, shape or form. This is not a blame game at all. It’s simply a matter of women not fully recognizing the extent of their power and of the ability they have to make this world a better place by effectively managing their relationships with men.
What do I mean by managing a relationship? Let’s look at one specific example. If there is one mistake many employers make, it is this: They hire fast and they fire slow. A position opens up, and the human resources department scrambles to fill the position as quickly as possible. They hire somebody, don’t check the résumé thoroughly, rush through the job interview, and lo and behold, what do they discover? The person they hired is not a good fit for the job. Then to add insult in injury, they take way too long to let the person go.
Many women make this exact same mistake in relationships. Again, they don’t realize that the management of new hires—or potential partners—rests entirely in their hands. What’s the answer to this dilemma? What does an effective boss learn to do?
Hire slow; fire fast.
A successful manager takes her time finding the right person for the position. Now, if someone you hired seems to be working out great, then keep that person on board. But if he’s not working out, it’s time to cut your losses for the sake of the business, or the relationship in this case. A manager who waits too long to make this decision inevitably becomes a frustrated manager. One of our teachers at The Kabbalah Centre was giving a relationship lecture in Long Island a few years ago. There was a woman, who was probably 85 years old or so, attending the lecture. At the end of the lecture, she approached the teacher and said, “I really loved your talk, but I just want to tell you I’ve been married for 50 years.” The teacher was about to congratulate her when the woman added, “They’ve been 50 miserable years.” The teacher assured the woman that there was still hope for the relationship, still time to turn things around. That’s why the wisdom of Kabbalah needs to be shared—so that men and women can turn their relationships into sources of joy, instead of sources of misery.
From “The Spiritual Rules of Engagement: How Kabbalah Can Help Your Soul Mate Find You” by Yehuda Berg Copyright © 2008 Kabbalah Publishing. Republished with permission.